


In Hell I'll Be In Good Company

by fnaftse



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Alcoholism, Angst, M/M, More tags to be added, Self Harm, Smoking, discontinued indefinitely, i might pick this up later but ive kinda lost interest in eddsworld, its not that sad all the way through but theres a lot of tension in the first few chapters, theres a subplot about ringo being a supernatural creature and everyone just. accepts it, tom is fucking depressed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2018-05-25
Packaged: 2018-12-30 10:04:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12106332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fnaftse/pseuds/fnaftse
Summary: Months after the giant robot incident, Tord makes another brief visit to apologise. Everyone takes it differently, and no one takes it well.





	1. don't fuck it up

It had been months.

Tord lie awake restless, as he had been every single night since the event. He hadn't slept on a healthy schedule in forever. He was depressed. Truly and absolutely, emotionally drained of nothing and everything all at once. How can one feel overwhelming sadness, and complete emptiness, at the same time? You’d think they were mutually exclusive.

He was thinking about his old friends, if he'd even a right to call them that at this point. Were they ever even friends, really? Even back all those years ago when their friendship was more genuine, he never really did treat them right either way. And now look at him, how he fucked up, the mess hed made. He came back into their lives and gave them false hope only to ruin everything. Why did he do that? He asked himself that a lot, actually. Usually he'd convince himself he was just too terribly in the moment, whatever that meant. His excuse was that he was so numb to everything around him that he didn’t consider the consequences of his words or actions.

Still, it wasn't excusable.

He didn't have a whole lot to do lately other than sleep and wallow in his own self pity. His current place of staying was the Red Army base, but that actually wasn't much for what it's worth. There was only so much a small force of armed vigilantes could put together, and right now that's all they were. The army wasn't actually.. officially started yet. Sure, they'd try to do something of importance when the need arose every once in awhile. Help with big things like the zombie outbreak a couple years back. But that was about it so far.

He himself wasn't very functional either. The explosion left him scarred, half blind and half armless. His robot prosthetic was an early prototype, and not that well functional. It stood in nicely for helping him complete most tasks that require two hands, but he had very little nerve reception, and didn't feel much if anything at all. That made a huge difference. Hed blame tom for that, but honestly? All he had to blame for this was karma, and his own self. This was what he deserved.

A few times he considered going back, just briefly, to apologise. Or at least sending a call, text, something to signify he was still alive. There was a pretty good chance Tom thought he'd killed him with the harpoon. He winced felt sick at the thought of the guilt Tom must be feeling over this. Shame on him for only thinking of his own self.

He figured to himself it would be worth a shot to at least.. Text Edd’s number? Maybe? Just a little something, anything to signify that he still thought of him.

 

_Edd,_

_I know I'm most likely the last person you want to hear from, but I thought it was important that I say something, even if not much. I want you to know i'm sorry, truly, for my actions. I know this doesn't mean a whole lot, or change anything, but the guilt has been eating at me non stop since the event._

_Hope its not eating you too, old friend._

 

My god Larsen, why so formal? This is a text message from a smartphone not a fucking handwritten note. Whatever, maybe edd would appreciate the sentiment? A man could only dream.

_Ping_

He didn't actually expect a reply, much less an immediate one. A bit disoriented by the surprise, he scrambled to grab his phone again from his bedside desk. He woke it from sleep mode and tapped in the knock password, cringing at the brightness that was too high for his sensitive eye. He checked his notifs. What they said made him cringe harder.\

 

_Wow uh_

_Thanks_

_Means a lot_

_Actually not really but,_

_We weren't sure if you were still alive so it’s cool to know that I guess_

_Take care._

 

He couldn't help but smile, a tiny bit, at that Edd still cared about him even in the slightest. God, smiling fucking hurt. Especially when about half his face is scarred to hell and back. Also kind of hurt emotionally. He was scared. Scared smiling meant he was a bad person. People who did the things he did weren't allowed to be happy, weren't allowed to smile.

But no, he was going to keep this on. Text Edd back. Do it.

 

_Oh um, cool_

_How are the others doing?_

 

_Fine._

_Toms been having nightmares, he thought he’d killed you_

 

“Fuck, I'm so sorry, I wish I could have-” Tord stopped typing mid sentence and backspaced it as Edd continued on.

 

_That was of course until we saw something about you on the news_

_Whats this about an army? Is that really what the robot was for?_

_Are you bloody crazy, Tord?_

 

_Maybe a bit_

_Or a lot, doesn't matter really_

_I think I've already done the worst of anything I ever will_

 

And then he saw the dots. The dots that signified he had more to say and it probably wouldn't be good and his anxiety was overwhelming. He saw them come and go they disappeared without a new message, and he stared at the conversation for two whole minutes with nothing. He set it back down on the desk and rubbed his one functional eye with his one functional hand. God, as if this emotional baggage wasn't enough, now he had physical reasons to feel subhuman.

He felt weight on his eyes and figured he should get back to sleep, otherwise he'd be taking a three hour nap in the middle of the day tomorrow. Not like he didn't do that out of pure depression anyway, but the urge would be harder to resist. So he did lie down, and then he heard it again. Goddamnit.

The ping. The fucking notification sound and he didn't know whether to be glad his old friend was willing to talk to him or pissed that his old friend wouldn't let him sleep. He questioned himself for a second, asking why the hell he liked the phrase ‘old friend’ so much. To which he replied, to himself, ‘fuck you,’ and shoved the thought back. He picked up his phone again

 

_Actually really it's Tom you should be apologising to_

_I think he's the most traumatised out of all of us_

 

Tord doubted that honestly, knowing Tom he assumed he'd be apathetic. But also, considering what hed done, it was a pretty huge deal so he could see tom having been moved by it just a little was understandable. Maybe ‘just a little’ was an understatement.

 

_Yeah? And how do you suggest I do that_

_I don't have his number or anything_

 

_Maybe,_

_It'd be a lot more meaningful_

_If you came in person, rather than just texting us so emptily_

_Did you really think a shitty little message meant anything to me?_

_After what you've done?_

_Like, my goodness, Tord! I never wanted you to show your face again either but if you're going to try to bring yourself back into our lives after everything you better be damn prepared to do it genuinely._

 

He was right. It was foolish of himself to think he could portray anything of sincere emotion over fucking text. Tears began to form in his eye, but he was too busy with other thoughts to wipe them away. He started typing again, quick to offer the best solution he could in hopes of ridding himself of some of the heavy guilt that fell on him.

 

_Is that what you want? You want me to come visit again?_

_I'd love to, but I can't believe you trust me enough_

_I wouldn't trust me_

 

The tears he'd been blinking back fell onto his cheek. His vision was blurring, so he blinked it away again. Blinking hard and pressuring his whole face, like he was trying to blink away emotion as a whole and not just display of it.

 

_Don't start with the pity party. I'm inviting you over so you can apologise to everyone, and that's it._

_Not like I'm offering you to move back in again._

_As long as you don't bring a gun or something stupid like that I don't think I have too much to worry about_

 

He was about to counter, say he'd never do something as ridiculously poorly thought out as bring a gun but. Hed be lying to himself. That was so like him, and it was no wonder people wouldn't trust one who'd believably pull a stunt like that. He almost laughed at the thought. Of someone trusting him, how outlandish it sounded.

 

_Right, I'll be sure to leave the guns at home._

_So is that it? Do I come over tomorrow then?_

 

_Yeah sure, tomorrow's fine. I won't set a time, since we're not doing anything._

_Try not to make it too late at night though._

_And don't fuck it up._

 

_I won't._

 

He clutched his phone close, closing his eyes and letting himself cry silently. Though maybe not wholly silent, as he was shivering. Intensely. Had he always been? He only just now caught himself, but he felt he'd been shivering for a long time. He tried to take this as a moment, even if only a brief one, to try to calm his nerves. He tried to ground himself to the reality of the situation. He was going to visit Edd again tomorrow, he was going to apologise, then he was going to leave. Simple and to the point.

He let himself fall back onto the bed and lie on it, his body sprawled out on the whole surface. He heard a loud thud, took it as his phone falling on the floor. He didn't have the energy to get up and get it now. He finally closed his eye, giving in to exhaustion. He begged himself to let himself to rest easy tonight.


	2. Your Embrace and My Collapse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom has a shitty morning, but Matt's fancy tea helps fix it somewhat.

Meanwhile at Edd and the rest’s new apartment complex, Tom was having much better luck getting a good night’s rest. Given last night he’d been drunk out of his mind. This, of course, wasn’t really alarming, or a surprise to anyone, as it’d been the norm for years now. He’d drink himself to sleep, spend the first hour or so of any given morning nursing a hangover, and go about his day. Rinse and repeat. And now he was waking up. 

His head was pounding but he didn’t pay it much mind since he was so used to it by now. He just stumbled up out of bed, pulled off his sweaty tee shirt from the night before and put on a different one, and groggily went to the kitchen to get coffee. That should wake him up. Well enough. He entered the kitchen and leaned himself on the counter while making his cup. Any day that he didn’t spill it was an accomplishment to him. 

He poured his coffee and walked into the living room to sit on the couch, sipping it as he did so. He set his cup down on the table and rubbed his eyes. He relaxed back into the couch and tried to sort out his thoughts, making a kind of mental to-do list. Only thing on it being go visit Edd, and spend most of the day with Edd. Maybe invite Matt over too if he was feeling it. He’d become sort of dependent on his friend in the last few months, their relationship being the only thing keeping his emotional health together.

So he took up his coffee again and finished the rest of it in a couple of large glugging gulps, then set the mug back down and readied himself to cross the hall to go to Edd’s place. After opening the door he shoved his hands into his pockets, kicking the door shut behind him. Silly him, he forgot he’d need his hands again to knock on Edd’s door. 

Tom you dumb shit. 

And still he couldn’t even be bothered to take his damn hands out of his damn pockets, the lazy fuck. He just leaned on the door and kind of whined. “Edd, I’m here,” he stretched out the words. “Open the doooor,” he sounded like an upset child. 

“Coming, I’m coming hold on! Don’t you know how to wait, Tom?” Edd called from inside the apartment, his voice faint and muffled both due to being separated from the one he was speaking to by a door and from being on the far side of the room. And no, Tom didn’t know how to wait. He was exactly known for his patience.

Edd after a short moment came to answer the door, greeting Tom with a bright smile. Tom felt this was off, like his friend’s features didn't match.  Despite his cheery grin, his eyes were tired. Tom weakly smiled back. “Hey,” he said plainly, pushing past him to come inside and flop onto the nearest furniture. 

“So, I may as well get right to it,” Edd began, sitting next to Tom on the sofa he'd happened to fling himself across.  He looked tense as he shuffled in his seat attempting to make himself comfortable. “Get right to what?” Tom asked, turning full attention to him. Edd’s body language alone had him a bit uneasy, now he was only more concerned. 

“Tord texted me last night.” Edd said, his tone empty to avoid sounding as worried as he was, for he didn't want Tom to worry for him, he really didn't want Tom to be upset. Especially as Tord was already such a sensitive subject to begin with. But Edd’s attempt was in vain, as Tom's immediate reaction to mention of the old friend was panic.

Tom grew tense, his eyes widening in what he couldn't distinguish from surprise, fear, anger, or possible sadness. “Yeah? And what does he want,” Tom questioned defensively, venom in his tone that he hoped Edd knew wasn't directed at him. “He only wanted to apologise,” Edd explained,  trying to keep things light. “I told him it’d take a lot more than a couple messages for us to even consider his apology genuine.” 

“Damn right it will! The hell kinda nerve does he even have, thinking he can ruin our lives and our home and destroy everything, and just fix it all better with something as insignificant as a text?? I don’t think so” Tom rambled on, becoming heated as he was more and more angered the more he thought about it.

“Yeah, that's what I told him. So now he wants to come talk to us in person.  Maybe against my better judgement I decided to invite him to-”

Tom cut him off, now fuming. “You- you told him he could come over?  What the fuck, Edd?! He isn't to be trusted!  What if he has malicious intent, what if he comes and apologises and gets us all on his good side again and tries to fucking, I don't know, kill us while our guard is down!”

“Tom I really don't think he wants to kill us,” 

“Don't interrupt me! Look, okay, maybe that's an over exaggeration, sure, but still! Am I wrong for being paranoid about this?” 

“No, of course not. Look, if he tries anything I'll call the cops. And I don't think he will, Tom. He seemed like he felt really guilty, I honestly think we should at least give him a chance.” Edd tried to assure him.

“Oh,  _ he _ feels guilty?!” Tom’s words came out as a broken yell, “He fucking feels guilty?! I guess we have to forgive him then!” He mocked, balling his hands into fists. “Why didn't you even consult me about this?!” He growled, “He fucked me over the most!” Tom’s fists shook at his side, his teeth gritted.

Edd stared at Tom as he broke down in front of him, wanting to console but also scared he’d only make it worse. “He can’t hurt you again, I won’t let it happen. I promise” he felt a lump in his throat, a fear in the back of his mind of what could happen in a scenario where that promise would be broken. “I know you’re angry. I am too, I’m not saying you have to be his best friend. Just keep cool long enough to have him over tonight, he’ll probably be just in and out anyway.”

Tom’s eyes started to sting as he tried to hold back tears. “No. You fucking know what, Edd? No! I'm not fucking doing this!” He said, trying to keep himself from letting a tear slip out. “Have fun with that fucking demon if you want, but I'm not gonna do it!” He cried, turning on his heel to leave the apartment.

Edd didn’t even reach out to stop him, he knew it’d only provoke Tom to break down further. He’d just have to figure something else out.

He slammed his door on the way out, once he was a few feet from the door he let himself let out a sob. “Fucking idiot”, he swore, wiping his eyes and continuing down the hall. Maybe Matt would want to hang out. It wasn’t a sure bet, and things were still awkward between the two, but it was better than getting drunk alone or being near Tord. 

“Matt?” Tom knocked on the door, trying to clear his throat so it wasn’t as evident that he had been crying. “Are you home, Matt?” 

A few seconds passed, and Tom figured maybe it was better to go home after all. He started to turn, but then the door opened. 

“Tom!” Matt squealed, pulling him into a hug. “Why are you here? I haven’t seen you in forever! Come in, I’ll make tea!” The ginger pulled him in by the wrist, not seeing as Tom winced at the contact. Matt set the kettle on, beaming and eagerly tapping his fingers. The other man took a seat on Matt’s couch, looking around at all the portraits of him. At least he finally put in some furniture, Tom thought to himself. He rubbed his wrist where Matt had grabbed it, cursing himself for not using neosporin like the nagging voice in his head had told him to.

“How do you take your tea again?” Matt asked, pouring two cups. 

“Three sugars, no cream”, Tom yawned. Some caffeine might do him good.

“Okay! So, what’s with the sudden visit?” Matt asked, sitting beside him and offering him the cup of tea. Tom took it, taking a sip, then staring into it.

“I dunno. I just haven’t seen you for a while, I thought you might wanna hang out or something.” Tom shrugged, not about to tell him the real reason.

“Edd’s that busy?” Matt asked, not a lick of hesitation or venom in his tone.

Tom stared at him, a little taken aback. “No, that’s not why I came over-”

“Tom, I’m not stupid.” Matt sighed. “Come on. I’m older than you, I know when someone is lying to me by now. Especially when it’s you.”

The other stared down at his cup. He took a sip, feeling his face contort as he tried to hide his embarrassment. “Sorry”, he mumbled. “Tord is going to Edd’s to sleep over. I don’t want to see him.”

“Yikes,” Matt began, remembering how it had ended last they’d seen Tord and wincing. “What’s he doing back here, I thought he didn’t need us? And why would Edd invite him?”   


“Fucking beats me,” Tom shot back a little meaner than he meant to. He took another sip of his tea. “To apologize or something, I guess. Edd insists Tord feels genuinely guilty and wants to express it in person. He says there’ll be no funny business, but that’s what he thought last time too.”

“Right, I see why you're worried…” Matt mumbled, looking down at his lap. The two sat in silence, occasionally drinking the hot tea. Matt broke the silence. “Are you okay?” He looked at Tom, his eyes soft. 

He stared down, then shook his head slightly. “I don't think so”, he confessed.

“I think you should go see Tord. Get it over with, you know? Maybe you can even let go of some of your anger that way. Blow off steam by taking it out on him, you know?” Matt suggested with a weak smile. Tom looked up at him and smiled back. “I guess that is one way to look at it.” 

Matt’s outlook on the situation did give Tom a little bit of hope. He weighed the option a little. If he were to go and talk to Tord, and end up having a screaming match with him, that could be either a good or bad thing. The pros were, for one, he’d get a really good chance to tell Tord off like he’d been aching to for some time now, and like Matt had aforementioned he’d have a good way to release a lot of the anger he’d pent up about the whole ordeal over these months. Cons? A lot heavier. He could break down crying in front of Tord, and make a fool of himself.

But on impulse, he went with the first feeling his gut pulled to. He raised his teacup to his face and finished what was left all in one deep swig, then set it down hard on the table with a clack to emphasise the statement he was about to make. “Okay Matt, you’re right. I’ll do it.”

“Really?” Matt's face lit up a little with what almost seemed like pride. Yeah, he'd convinced Tom to do something! That was rare, with how stubborn he was about everything he did. “That's great, and I think it'll be beneficial to you,” he said with a big grin. “And oh, hey! Maybe I should come with you!”

Tom paused, somewhat hesitant. “Are you sure?” He asked Matt, looking at him with concern. Hadn’t Tord scared him the last time they saw each other?

“Of course! I miss Edd and Ringo anyway!” Matt grinned, hurrying off to his room to pack for the night. 

The other stared after him, biting at the skin of his lip. He wouldn't let Tord hurt him again. Tom let out a little sigh and sat back against the couch, knowing it would take a few minutes for Matt to pack. His fingers instinctively inched towards his flask, but he stopped himself. It was too early. And besides, he wanted to be sober when he met with Tord so he wouldn't let his guard slip.

“Let's go!” Matt grinned as he entered the room with a Gucci suitcase.  _ Where does he get the fucking money for things like that? _ Tom wondered for a moment as he stood up. 

“I don't think he's there yet, so it'll just be us and Edd.” Tom sighed, readjusting the laces in the hood of his jacket. 

“And Ringo!” Matt added excitedly, checking himself in one of the mirrors quickly, then grabbing Tom’s hand and pulling him out into the hall. 

“You're not going to lock your door?” Tom raised an eyebrow, looking at the ginger. 

“That's a good idea!” He gasped, quickly turning around and doing it. “Okay, now let's go!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my co-author tom still hasnt made an ao3 acc but he said to go ahead and put this up anyway! hope you all like it


	3. This All Was Only Wishful Thinking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tord arrives. Try as he may, Tom is having none of it.

“Edd!” Matt squealed, jumping on him in a hug. Edd stumbled back, laughing and hugging him too. 

“Hey, Matt. It's good to see you.” Edd smiled, breaking the hug and stepping back.

“Where's Ringo?” The taller one asked excitedly, looking around.

“She was in my room last I saw her” Edd gestured toward his room, and Matt ran off to see the cat. He turned back to Tom, meeting his eyes. “What happened? Did Matt convince you?” He asked.

Tom, who had been hovering by the door, closed it and stepped into the den. “Yeah”, he nodded, “don't expect me to stay over for the night, though.”

“Right”, Edd nodded, sighing. “Can I get you some tea?” He asked, readying the kettle.

“I'm alright, I already had some of Matt's fancy kind.” Tom sat down on the couch, running a hand through his hair.

Matt was already in the next room, petting Ringo and giggling listening to her purr. “Oh I love you so much”, Matt cooed, stroking the grey cat. “Such a cute kitty!” He grinned, gasping as she stepped into his lap. Matt took notice of the odd glow that Ringo had, and the little black balls of energy that would spawn around her, circling her form. Ringo is such a special kitty, Matt thought, beaming as he stroked her.

“Sorry, by the way, for lashing out at you earlier.” Tom said to Edd, looking back on his outburst with embarrassment. “Tord, he’s just- a touchy subject, y’know? I’m really scared of letting him in again, after how he hurt us last time.” He clutched at the flask in his pocket, not intending to drink yet or for well into later tonight, but still fidgeting with the cap on it just out of habit.

“Yeah, I know how you feel about him. And like I said, I’m not saying you have to forgive him, and I’m not saying we’re letting him back in by any means. He’s just going to come to apologise, spend the night at my place, and then I’m kicking him out.” Edd briefly wondered where Tord would sleep staying the night, as he didn’t have a spare bed. He considered making him sleep on the floor as a petty little act of revenge, but he wasn’t one to be inhospitable to anyone. He’d probably set him something up on the couch. “After this,” he added, hoping to brighten Tom’s mood, “We probably won’t ever have to see him again.”

“Not unless he ends up on the news for his crimes,” Tom muttered under his breath with a scoff. The thought did strike him a little pain in the gut, of never seeing Tord again. In theory it was a dream come true, but somehow the concept just didn’t sit right with him. Like losing a part of himself or some other bullshit cliche. He had a tendency to crave things that provoked his anger, sadness, what have you. He gripped his flask tighter.

As Tom finished his thought, he heard a few knocks on the door. “Speak of the fucking devil,” he cursed to himself mentally. The knock on the door echoed a metallic clang that didn't sound at all like the flesh and bone of knuckles on wood, startling him. He saw out of the corner of his eye Edd drawing in a deep breath as if to prepare himself for what was to come. He held it in longer than he should have, puffing out his chest, and didn’t exhale until he was opening the door.

On the other side stood Tord, who didn’t look well at all. Along with his scars- which were only just starting to heal over- being a sight for sore eyes, his expression was also so dulled and drained, bags under his one good eye heavy like he hadn’t slept since they’d last saw each other. 

A weak “Hi” was all Tord mustered as greeting. There was a lot of hesitation in his voice, like he was on edge.  _ Good _ , Edd thought in the back of his head.  _ Don’t get too comfortable. _

Matt came back into the main room holding Ringo in his arms, who jumped down and scampered away as soon as she noticed Tord in the doorway. Jeez, even the cat was scared of him? Harsh. 

“Oh, Christ Tord, your  _ face _ !” Tom exclaimed, crinkling his nose at the scars that ripped across almost the entire right side of Tord’s body. And the robotic arm too.  _ That must’ve been why the knock sounded like that _ , he connected the dots in his head. “You really got messed up in that explosion, didn’t you?” Tom asked, almost letting out a small chuckle. Serves him right.

Tord had been anticipating this all day. He knew seeing him in this state for the first time would earn him a good laughing at. “Yeah. I know I’m not all that good looking right now-”

“You say as if you ever were?” Tom cut Tord off, the tiniest barely noticeable smirk on his face.

Already Tord was pissed, but he tried not to come off as too much so. “Tom I swear to God if you’re trying to start shit-”

“Aye, cut it out!” Edd said, wanting to make sure he stopped any fights before they started. “You two are insufferable sometimes I swear… Please- Tom, Tord, both of you- don’t let anything escalate or cause more drama than necessary.”

Tord grumbled in annoyance at being cut off two times in a row, but complied nonetheless. “Right, of course.” he said in a reluctant grumble.

“Here, come in.” Edd offered, stepping aside and letting Tord through. Tord kept his arms close behind his back, trying to take up as little space as possible. He tried to move quickly, as if it would shorten the amount of time he spent there. He really didn’t want to be there any more that the others wanted him to be. He felt like the three of them were all actively thinking badly of him, making mental notes of how awful a person he was. Even if not realistic for Edd or Matt, Tom probably actually was, and that terrified him.

He approached the sofa and looked at Edd uncertainly, trying to ask without verbalising if he could sit down. Edd got the message and nodded. Tord settled himself on the very edge of the sofa and looked around. “This apartment is really nice,” he complimented. He’d feel very at home in a place like this if it weren’t for the context.

“Oh really, thanks!” Tom said with feigned appreciation. “We wouldn’t have had to move here in the first place though if you hadn’t obliterated our old house.” Tom spat, his fists balling at his side.

“Tom, just let him speak!” Edd frowned, glaring at him. Tom scowled and looked away, shoving his hands in his pockets. His fingernails scraped against the cap of the flask.

“Thank you, Edd.” Tord sighed, looking at Tom guiltily. “I really do need to apologise to you three”, he said, looking down.

“Four!” Matt objected, the group turning to look at him. “You scared Ringo!”

For some reason, the thought of hurting a creature that wasn't self aware was worse than the thought of hurting another human. Tord felt a pang in his chest, and hung his head a bit in shame.

“I think I'd prefer if you begged for our forgiveness”, Tom scowled at him. He stayed quiet, though, because of the glare Edd shot him.

“I'm sure you would, Tom.” Tord said. “I suppose I can't really blame you, though.”

He looked down at his hands. The organic one tenderly rubbed the glass covered palm of the other. “I got too carried away. It was a bad idea to try and get the robot in the first place, but hurting you guys was worse.”

The others listened silently, save for Matt’s attempts to get Ringo to sit in his lap again. Tom couldn’t meet his eye. He stared down at his lap. Not like anyone would know where he was looking, anyway.

Tord let a single tear fall. Not really in sadness, but frustration. Anger at himself for his past actions he'd taken recklessly. Part of him wanted to just give in, break down, ugly cry in front of the three of them (four, including Ringo, as Matt would have corrected.) But to draw that kind of attention to himself like he was looking for pity was the last thing he needed.

“That's it, I'm not dealing with this.” Tom said, starting off for the door. “I came, you half assed an apology, and now I'm leaving.” He gave up on his plan not to drink while Tord was over, taking his flask out of his pocket and untwisting the cap. "Fucking pathetic," he mumbled. Edd looked at him concerned as he took a deep swig.

“Do you have anything else to say before he leaves?” Edd asked Tord without looking in his direction.

“No, not really just…. I'm sorry, truly, for everything. I feel like shit in a way I don't know how to put into words other than to say sorry over and over again in a string hundreds of sorries long. But obviously I can't do that, so I-” Tord had to stop and collect himself, his tears were blurring his vision and his voice shaking.

“That's enough.” Edd sighed. “I don't want to see you sobbing like a baby, this is your own fault.”

God that stung, but he was right.

He hid his face in his single organic hand as he listened to the sound of Tom stomping frustratedly out of the room, not wanting to watch. “Are you sure you want me to stay the night?” he asked Edd, really not wanting to cause any more trouble. “If you ask me to leave I understand,”

“Oh no, you're absolutely staying.” Edd replied plainly. “I've got a whole lot of questions for you, about what the bloody hell you were thinking that day you nearly killed us.”

Tord anticipated some kind of an interview, or more like interrogation, with Edd sitting him down on the couch and offering him to stay for dinner as if they were still the best of friends, and at the same time speaking to him in that same empty, ice cold tone that terrified him so much. He wondered if Edd knew this, and if he'd intended it to be that way.

He wondered if Edd was as angry with him as he was with himself.

__

He spent the rest of the night answering questions as the television played quietly, Professor Why taking up the background noise and coming to be a bit of a distraction. Edd asked a lot of things Tord didn’t know how to answer, or didn’t want to. “Where did you go after you left,” “What was your original plan if not to kill us,” “Where did you even  _ get  _ that robot in the first place, and how was it under our house for so long without us noticing?”

Matt had stayed at the sidelines, playing with Ringo. Had Ringo always had four eyes? Probably.

It left them sitting in front of the couch, awkwardly watching Return of the Insane Zombie Pirates From Hell 5. Tord didn’t dare to say anything, but eventually his itch got the best of him.

“I need to go outside for a moment”, he said, standing up to leave. Edd nodded in understanding, and Matt looked at him, perplexed. Once Tord was out of earshot, Matt turned to the other.

“Why did he go outside?” He asked, noticing Edd resist the temptation to roll his eyes.

“I guess he took up smoking again. I can only imagine it’s worse for him now than ever, what with the damage from the explosion.” Edd sighed, sipping his cola.

“Do you think Tom is okay?” Matt asked, stroking Ringo.

“I really hope so.” was the best thing Edd could come up with.


	4. Drowned in his Sorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom is restless and awake late into the AM, and in a drunken lack of better judgement, lets an uninvited guest stay for a movie

Tom slammed the door behind him, storming to his apartment. “Fucking piece of shit”, he grumbled to himself, fumbling with the keys, then swinging his door open then shut as he entered. He went right to the kitchen, looking around for a bottle that wasn't empty.

The flat was a mess, which was somewhat unusual for him. He screwed the cap off a bottle of vodka, desperately taking a swig. He coughed, cringing at the taste and almost spitting it out. “God, you fucking idiot!” He cried, kicking a cabinet. Tom yelled again, kicking a chair and breaking it. “Fucking cry baby piece of shit!” He screamed. His eye sockets felt static, he felt tears brimming.  _ Cry baby piece of shit _ , he thought again.

_ Why can't I just be mad at him?!  _ Tom sniffled, wiping his eyes with the back of his wrist. He took a swig, cringing at the strength, but still swallowing it without hesitation.

His thoughts were starting to blur a little. Thank fucking God. The only thing he’d been doing all day was mentally screaming at himself in confusion, about Tord, about everything. He wasn’t sure how he felt or how he should feel or if he wanted Tord dead or if he just wanted the idea of Tord’s current situation to die. He felt a tightness in his chest when he thought that maybe he was  _ missing _ Tord. He silenced that thought with another burning swig. 

If Edd saw him like this he’d tell him he had a problem, frown and scold him that he really needed to look into getting help for his alcoholism. Fuck help. Fuck Edd. He’d rather drown himself in vodka and die than have that conversation again. 

  
  


He jolted up from a dreamless sleep to the wailing of a police car complete with wailing siren driving by outside his window. _ Fuck.  _ he swore to himself.  _ I must have blacked out.  _ He peeked through the blinds to watch as the cops sped off down the road. _ Maybe they’re here for Tord,  _ he thought hopefully. It was still dark out, he must’ve fallen asleep in the late afternoon. He winced at the pain in his head, rubbing his temples and hissing through his teeth. Tom took the ledge of his kitchen counter to help him stand. His vision blacked out for a second, his ears rang. It passed, and he managed to stand up all the way.

The light in the room only came in through the cracks in the blinds, where the amber of the streetlights momentarily mixed with the flashing red and blue of the cop car as it screeched past. He looked to the stove, where the red digital clock flashed, displaying 12:00 am. There must have been a mini power outage. He grumbled to himself, rubbing his eyelids in attempt to get his eyes to focus.  _ How the hell do they even unfocus?  _ He thought. 

The screen of his phone nearly blinded him. Unfortunately enough for him, in the time he was passed out, he had sobered up and now all he was left with was a splitting hangover. The time on his phone, after his eyes adjusted to the brightness, read 2:46 am. Tom knew all too well that he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep again, so he covered his eyes with his hand as he turned on the lights. 

“Fuck!” He cried, squeezing his eyes shut.  _ Why the fuck are all my lights always so bright?  _ Tom groaned and slowly opened his eyes, grabbing his hoodie from the table. He pulled it on over his asdf shirt, swearing through his teeth as the cloth pulled over the wounds on his arms that hadn’t healed yet. He rummaged through his flat quickly, grumbling to himself when he couldn’t find anything stronger than some shitty wine. 

Tom wasn’t opposed to walking places, it was better than learning to drive, and it was somewhat more enjoyable at night. He found it peaceful, even if it was only to the local  Sainsbury's to stock up on hard liquor. Edd’s words from months ago bounced around his head. 

“But what about your liver?” He had said.  _ What ABOUT my liver?  _ Tom grumbled to himself. The way he saw it, no one really wanted him alive anyway, so he might as well do what he wants until he gets to die. And no, Tom didn’t consider himself suicidal. He simply tended to gravitate more towards nihilism, and didn’t care if he was alive or dead. Maybe it would be more peaceful if he was dead.

“Can I see some ID?” The clerk asked, making Tom look up. He still passed for a teen? Well that cheered him up a little. 

“Yeah, just gimme a sec.” Tom nodded and got out his wallet, then handed her the ID card. 

“Thanks. So, you planning for a big party, or what?” She smiled, handing the card back to him and continuing to bag the bottles and the various snacks he had bought. 

“Oh, yeah. A get together with some old friends.” Tom smirked. Yeah, old friends. Old friends such as a heavy drinking problem, a razor, and a burning self hatred. He resisted laughing out loud a little.

“There you go! Do you have a Sainsbury's membership card to get 10% off your purchases?” She asked him, smiling warmly.

“No, sorry.” Tom took the debit card back.  _ Who the fuck has those things anyway? Why is this girl so chipper at two in the fucking morning?  _ He took the receipt and the bags, thanking her and leaving the store. It took a second for his eyes, or lack thereof, to adjust to the darkness again, but he could have sworn he saw Ringo’s eyes watching him. Such a lovely kitty.

Tom made it halfway home before thoughts of a certain Norwegian started prodding at his head.  _ Fuck, why can’t I get him out of my mind? Why can’t I be happy about not seeing him again?  _ He started to pick up the pace, he wanted to just get home and get drunk in peace.  

He shivered as he closed the door to his flat, going straight to the thermostat to make it warmer. Tom took a bottle of malibu out of the paper bag from Sainsbury’s, throwing his head back and chugging a bit of it. One of the cons of having been dared to rinse his mouth with bleach, eat sand, and lick dry ice as a teen, was that his taste buds had been completely destroyed over the years. To him, of course, this was a pro. It allowed him to chug vodka, which tasted very similar to battery acid, without dying. 

The walls seemed distant to him. As his vision swayed, he flopped down onto his sofa.  _ Maybe I’ll get alcohol poisoning and die,  _ he thought to himself. The thought made him chuckle a little, raising the bottle to his lips again. What had he even been worrying about? Something about missing someone or something? He shrugged it off, yawning, then trying to make the room stop spinning. What time was it now? He pulled out his cellphone and tried to read the text. 3:52. How long had he just been sitting at his kitchen counter, drinking? 

 

Tom, admittedly, did nearly jump out of his skin when he heard a knock at the door. He held onto the arm of the sofa when he stood up, stumbling over to the door. His hands fumbled with unlocking it, but he did manage to do it eventually. 

Tord stood on the other side, looking at him nervously in almost a wide eyed stare like he was scared. What kind of expression even was that? Tom couldn’t tell what emotion he was trying to convey, but all he knew was he didn’t want this commie bastard standing in front of him any longer that he had to. “The fuck you want” he managed to slur out.

“I was having trouble sleeping at Edd’s,” Tord began, fidgeting with his hands and tapping his organic fingers against the metal ones. “He snores, and Ringo is starting to creep me out. Did she always float that way?”

Tom squinted trying to recall. Cat floating, sure whatever. He’d seen weirder. “Anyway,” Tord said interrupting the drunk’s train of thought, “I was just going to ask if I could crash here for the night. On the couch, quiet, I won’t even talk to you after this and I'll be out first thing tomorrow morning.” 

“What? Fuck no”, he growled, “Go sleep in your fuckin’ army base, commie.” He scoffed, starting to close the door.

“I can’t,” Tord held the door open with strength Tom didn’t really expect. “If I just up and leave without saying goodbye to Edd, I don’t know what he’d think. And I don't want him to think more poorly of me than he already does.” 

“Quit fuckin’ pityin’ ya’self. B’sides, doubt that’s possible, he hates ya pretty bad already.” Tom scoffed in a way that he meant to be under his breath, but his volume control was poor in this state and he came off louder than intended.

Tord’s expression tensed somewhat. “Thanks. Seriously, Tom, you won’t even know I’m here. You can just go back to whatever the hell you were doing awake at four in the morning.” 

He squinted. Four? Last he checked it was around 2:30.  _ Where the hell had that hour and thirty went?  _ If he were any more sober he wouldn’t give it a second thought, but with his judgement skills compromised, he considered the offer for a moment, looking Tord up and down, as if he was in any position to judge. “Fine. But if you’re gonna smoke, do it by the window.” He tried not to slur his words, trying to take the higher ground.

Tord sighed in relief, following Tom inside. “Thank you, Tom.” 

“You know what, actually? Let’s watch a movie”, Tom suggested, though his words were slurred so it was a bit hard to understand.

_ “Pardon?” _

“A movie. Or did they not have those in whatever rock you were hiding under?” Tom slurred, snickering to himself.

“No, I just mean I figured you’d shove me in some closet until the morning.” Tord caught a frown pulling at his lips.

“Whatever, I’m bored, do ya wanna or not?” he said impatiently, growing frustrated. He supposed that, even if he was drunk, this would be the best way to figure out the conflicting feelings he had regarding Tord.

“Sure, then. What did you have in mind?” He asked, sitting beside Tom on the couch, after pushing away some empty cans of beer. 

“I dunno”, Tom searched the sofa seats for a second, then found his rum and took a swig. “How about something about traitors”, he laughed.

 

“You know if it were up to me I’d pick a gory horror movie or straight up hentai.” Tord let himself chuckle for what he thought was the first time in a while.

“How about we settle for human centipede?” He slurred, laughing a little. A red tint slowly took form on his cheeks.

“God, no!” Tord objected, laughing too.

“Fine! How abou’ something like, shit I dunno, Coraline?” Tom put the bottle to his lips again.

“Sure, sure”, Tord sighed and pulled up Netflix to put the movie on, figuring Tom wasn’t going to with his poor coordination. Tord was genuinely invested in the story, even though he’d seen it before. It was a weird one of his favorite films that you wouldn’t really expect to be his type. Tom was probably too hammered to pay significant attention, but nonetheless he stared at the screen with enough focus to almost pass as following along with the plot.

They watched a good 30 minutes in with a surprisingly comfortable silence, which in of itself was a paradox, because to Tord, being comfortable felt out of place. “Tom… why aren’t you being mean to me?” he asked cautiously, looking at the red faced mess beside him. He saw Tom flinch, almost invisibly, but it was still there. He was hiding something.

“Being mean? What are ya’, fuckin’ five years old? Ask me why I’m not bein’ a little doo-doo head why don’t ‘cha”

“You know what I meant, why aren’t you being an asshole like usua-” 

“Yeah, I know what you meant, prick. But uh, I ‘unno. I’m a li’l tipsy, and I’m tired, I just don’t have the energy to be mad right now”, he slurred. Tord would argue that he was certainly more than tipsy, but he let it slip. 

“Okay…” the Norwegian sighed, looking at the screen.

“Would you rather I’m mean?” Tom asked, “Because with the state your face is in, I gotta lotta material”, he laughed loudly, doubling over as if it were the funniest thing in the world. “I mean, you’re so ugly, I bet your mirror’s broken!” 

Tord sighed, biting his lip a little. “You insult just like you play the bass. Which is to say, shittily”

“Don’t you dare talk bad about Susan, fucker. And I’m only getting started. I said your face was bad? Your personality’s worse!” he taunted. “Is there a single person you haven’t driven away? Even the fuckin’ cat hates you!” He only laughed harder, pausing to take a drink. 

The other could only stare down at his lap. It did sting a little, stirring up the guilt he’d been walling away. Not that Tom would know, or that he’d ever let him. He felt a small lump in his throat.

“What a waste of space”, Tom scoffed, rolling his eyes. “All you even do is disappoint people, isn’t it?” he slurred, taking another swig from the bottle. “Jesus, I could really just go on about you for  _ ages,  _ Tord. I dunno if the list of flaws about you even ends!” he laughed. He stared ahead. 

“Yeah that’s me alright,” he forced what probably could win the Guiness world record for world’s fakest laugh. 

“You know the worst fucking thing about you, though?” Tom growled. His grip on the bottle had grown tighter, his hands shaking. 

Tord looked at him, unsure if he wanted to hear what he had to say next. “What,” he answered, firmly. It was more of a statement than a question. Tom didn’t meet his eyes.

“I can’t get the thought of kissing you out of my head.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so goddamn sorry this took so long. its been finished for like two months i really have no excuse


	5. A Void, Hard to Destroy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom spills his secrets, his sorrows, and his guts.

Tord’s face felt like it was on fire, and it probably looked that way too. He hadn’t seen himself blush since getting these scars, he wondered how it all looked clashed together. 

_ “Fucking excuse me?” _

There were a lot of unexpected, out of place things that happened just in this day alone. Ringo’s strange glowing aura was unexpected, Edd having decided against drinking a fifth can of Cola before bed was unexpected. But this? Was something else Tord wasn’t sure he could ever place a name for. 

“Fuck, I wanna hate you, and I do”, Tom slurred, “But at the same time, I wanna know what it's like to kiss you”, he looked over at the other. 

Tord stared at him, just trying to process all that he was saying. This had to just be the ramblings of a drunk. Tom had too much to drink, and he was just spewing words. There was no way this was how he really felt. Maybe it was a prank, even. Tord sighed and met his eyes. “Tom, you're drunk. You should just go to sleep, you don't know what you're saying.” 

Tom frowned, his fists balling a bit. “I…” he sniffled.  _ Don’t lose your cool,  _ he thought to himself.

“I know what I'm saying, Tord!” Tom cried in objection.  _ Fuck.  _ “God, you're such a fucking asshole! Why can't you just get out of my head?!”  _ Why can’t I just fucking make up my mind? Do I wanna fuck him or do I wanna fucking kill him?!  _

“And how long have you felt like this?” Tord questioned, starting to become red in the face with a mixture of frustration and embarrassment. 

“I mean! I don’t know? A while? Since before you left the first time to be honest. And then you left, and I was pissed. We tried to call you and we got a disconnect like you'd changed your number. And then you came back and- I didn't trust that stupid sexy smile on your smug asshole face-”

“Sexy?”

“Zip it I'm not done. You came back and I warned them not to trust you! But they did, and you blew up our goddamn house and..”

So fucking much for not losing his cool. His brow was furrowed, expression tense as tears fell from his cheeks silently.

“You would have ruined everything for all of us if Edd and Matt weren't so optimistic all the damn time. But instead I'm left with feelings I don't know how to deal with for some traitor ass Norski bastard.”

The other stared at him, not sure how to respond. He was out of practice with dealing with a drunken Tom after being gone for so long. “It's not my fault you apparently have some kind of obsession with me.” He tried to counter. For just a moment he considered it, the idea of kissing Tom. He wondered how the thought even came to Tom's mind in the first place. Hadn't he made multiple comments today alone about how unattractive Tord was?

“I don't have an obsession, you commie fucking asshole”, Tom argued, though he wasn't nearly as intimidating when his words were slurred and he could barely sit up straight. “I'm just curious.” He chugged from the bottle again, then blinked a few times as he tried to orientate himself again. He put a hand on his head, overcome with dizziness. “Fuck. Fuck.” Tom stood up, swaying from side to side, and managed to fall against the wall beside a trash can. His hands grabbed the rim of the can and he proceeded to empty his guts into it. He retched again, coughing in pain and spitting into the trashcan. 

Tord thought about going to comfort him, but he wasn't sure it was the best idea. He didn't want to get vomit on himself, for one thing. “Yeah, no way I'm letting you kiss me tonight.” He commented offhandedly.

When Tom finally finished throwing up, he looked up from the can with drool on his chin and everything he’d just coughed out mixed in too. “That mean you're gonna kiss me some other time?” he said with what he probably intended to be a smirk, but it looked more like he was just in pain.

Tord grimaced at the thought. “Mood swings much?” Tord teased, raising a brow. “Just a second ago you were on the brink of sobbing and now you're trying to flirt with me?”

Tom leaned against the wall as he tried to stand up, he barely staggered over to the sofa again. He took a second to catch his balance, forgetting Tord was there. Reaching for the bottle, he threw his head back again and drank. He then, not particularly in a graceful manner, fell to the floor with a thud.

“For fucks sake,” Tord said, grimacing. Assuming Tom was out cold, he leaned down to pick him up and get him to bed. He was grateful that his metal arm was so strong, because he never would have been able to lift the man on his own with two natural ones. 

He figured Tom couldn't be trusted in this state to care for himself when he woke, so he opted for dropping him off on Edd’s couch for him to deal with in the morning. If he had to guess, he'd say Edd was probably used to doing that regularly. “I feel sorry for Edd and Matt if they have to put up with this all the time.”

“Hey, ‘s not that often. And I’m more fun when I’m tipsy”, Tom slurred in response, barely conscious. 

“I wouldn’t call it ti-”

“I'm good in bed, too.” He interrupted, lazily smirked, making kissy faces at him and putting a hand on the man’s jawline.

The other frowned and craned his head away from the drunk’s hand. “I doubt you've even been in bed with anyone but your own hand. Also don't touch me, you smell like vomit.”

“That's not the only thing I smell of.” Tom grinned, his face turning redder.

“What is that even supposed to mean?” Tord looked down at him in confusion. How much had he had to drink if he was saying incoherent stuff like this? “You also smell of alcohol and stale two day old sweat, if that's what you were referring to.”

“And you looooove it”, Tom drawled, in what was surely his drunken attempt at a sultry voice. 

“So what, is there something about the fact that nearly the entire right side of my body is grotesquely scarred that turns you on?” Tord said rolling his eyes. Or, one eye. “Or do you just talk to everyone like this when you're too intoxicated to stand.”

“Noooo, it's your personality. You're funny”, he slurred, looking up into Tord’s eyes. “It makes me wanna kiss you.” Tom giggled again, though his words were nearly incoherent.

“Yeah, you already mentioned how you want to kiss me so bad. I'll be sure to keep that in mind next time you're screaming at me how much I'm ‘ _ not your friend _ ’” he mocked Tom’s accent in that last bit.

“I didn’t mean that,” Tom said with that weird crooked smile that made Tord want to punch his teeth in. “I wish we could be closer, you’d be a cool friend or fuck.”

Tord almost gagged. Not wanting this conversation to go on any longer than it had to, he picked up his pace. He shortly approached Edd’s door and knocked on it, hard and loud to make sure it was heard. No one came to answer.

He let out an exasperated sigh and tried to let himself in, finding it tricky to open the door with Tom in his arms, but not wanting to set him down. He was however pleased to find that the door was unlocked. 

He entered, kicking the door shut behind him, and scanned the dark room for a sofa. He was glad Ringo wasn't present, but he could still feel that… aura, the cat gave off. He tried to brush it off, focusing on the task at hand. 

It wasn't until he went to set Tom down on the couch that he noticed the man had been awkwardly clinging onto him in what he could only assume was intended to be a hug. “Come on, let go.” he grumbled, trying to pry the drunk’s arms off him. Tom eventually complied. 

“Hey Tord?” he asked as Tord stood back up.

“Hm?”

“When you leave tonight… can you promise me that you won't disappear forever? I want to see you again.” He said it in a strained way, like he was fighting everything to properly get the words out and not just slur them everywhere. Like he was trying to prove he meant them.

Tord felt a lump in his throat again. “We’ll see.” That was really all he could promise, especially since he at this point still couldn't be sure that was what Tom really even wanted. 

Tom looked disappointed, but said nothing of it. Tord shoved his hands in his pockets, glancing in the general direction of the door like he was checking to make sure it was still there before he went anywhere. He didn't feel right leaving though without resolving at least one of the problems he’d caused.

So he looked around the room one more time, then leaned down to Tom- who might have at this point already fallen asleep- and placed the most brief, tiny kiss on his forehead. Then he immediately stood back up and started off for the door.


	6. Steady, as he goes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edd makes breakfast!

“I don't understand, how did he get here?” Matt whispered to the other.

“It was probably Tord. We can ask him once he wakes up and has some coffee.” Edd sighed, looking down at the unconscious man on the sofa. Tom was holding a nearly empty bottle close to his chest and muttering. 

“What's he doing?” Matt asked, failing again to whisper and following Edd into the kitchen. 

“Sleeping? Probably having a nightmare, if that's what you're asking.” Edd started to make coffee, knowing Tom would want some once he woke up. 

“He's getting them again?” The ginger asked, sitting on the countertop beside the coffee maker. “I thought they stopped years ago.”

“No, they started up again after Tord came back.” Edd sighed, “Do you want coffee?” 

“No thank you, I’ll make some tea later. Do you want me to get the bacon from my house?” Matt asked in return.

“You have bacon?!” Edd gasped, grinning. His voice was loud, and he and Matt froze when they heard movement from the sofa. 

Tom suddenly jolted upright, his breathing ragged. He looked at the bottle in his hand and set it on the floor, trying to catch his breath. 

“…Are you alright, Tom?” Edd asked, looking at him from the kitchen.

The other looked back at him and shook his head a little bit. “Can you get a trash can?” He muttered quietly, cringing at even that little amount of noise. But Matt was already at his side with one. He still remembered how to take care of a hungover Tom, even if it had been a while. Tom nodded to him in thanks, then took it and retched into it.

Edd cringed and turned his attention back to the cups of coffee. “Matt, can you get the bacon from your place?” He asked. Matt nodded and pulled on his shoes, offering a sympathetic look to Tom before leaving. 

Tom wiped his lips, coughing a little. “Please don't lecture me”, he muttered weakly, looking up at Edd as the man handed him a cup of coffee.

“Oh no, I'm absolutely going to lecture you. How much did you have to drink last night? That could have been dangerous, especially with Tord over. We still don't know if we can trust him and the last thing I'd want would be for him to… I don't know, get in a fight with you while you're intoxicated or something. He could..”

Edd kept on talking, but Tom was trying his best to tune him out.  _ Why did Tord bring me here last night? Where did he go?  _ Tom wondered, staring down at his coffee. 

“Are you even listening, Tom? This is a serious problem, you're an alcoholic!” Edd snapped at him, getting his attention. 

Tom bit his lip, feeling his throat tighten and his eyes start to burn. “Edd, it d-doesn’t matter.” He sniffled, wiping his nose.  _ Fucking weak piece of shit, so easily crushed by one word.  _ “It doesn’t matter, I-I’m fine. Please just leave it alone.”

“Tom, I'm your friend and I'm concerned about you, it does matter to me! I'm sure me and Matt can both agree that we don't want to see you like this, especially the more frequent it gets.” Edd tried to look him in the eyes.

“Edd, please don't do this.” Tom sipped his coffee, his hands shaking.

“Do what, care about you?”

“I don’t know what there is you see in me to care about,” Tom said under his breath, hiding his face in the coffee cup. 

“Christ, Tom. How long have you felt like th-” Edd was cut off by Matt entering the room. 

“I got the bacon!” He shouted, grinning and closing the door behind him. Tom grimaced at the loud voice and the door slamming. 

“I'll talk to you later, okay?” Edd sighed

Tom would have rolled his eyes if he had any to roll, but since he didn't he kind of just sighed deeply in a way that had the same effect. “‘Kay.”

The gesture seemed to have gotten lost among Matt's pure excitement for the bacon he’d brought. And there was a  _ lot.  _ Matt grinned from ear to ear as he set approximately 30 packages of bacon onto the kitchen counter. “Who wants some?!”

Tom groaned as he watched from the other room as his two friends made what he thought was way too big a deal to be just over some bacon. “I guess if you're making it I'll have some too.” he said, finishing his coffee and setting the mug down on the table. He almost thought about getting up to watch Edd cook, hoping maybe it’d help him feel a little better, but he also really,  _ really,  _ did not have the energy for that. 

“How many strips you want?” Edd called from the kitchen as he struggled to rip open the packaging. He stuck his tongue out in concentration, in the same way no one except for cartoon characters do.

“Uh like, a lot? Not much? I'm indecisive.” Tom said tiredly.

“Better make it plenty then! How about I just make it all and you take however much you like?” Edd offered, finally managing to get it open. Loud banging of pots and pans could be heard as he dug through the cupboard to find the perfect pan to cook it in. The sound made Matt cringe. The sound made Tom want to die.

Tom lied down on the couch and stared up at the ceiling. The popcorn texture contorted shapes in his head. He saw a heart.  _ Ew, gay _ , he thought, trying to make himself see something else. A familiar symbol with two arches like Tord’s hair was next. Tom cursed himself for thinking of him again and instinctively reached for his flask. 

Edd watched the action and quickly tried to divert his thoughts. “Tom, will you want hash browns?”

Upon realising he was being watched, Tom stuffed it away, much to Edd and Matt’s relief. “Yeah, sure. Do you have syrup?” He cleared his throat, trying to clear his train of thought.

“Yep!” Edd assured him, grinning and going to the fridge. Matt followed him, the fridge being out of sight of the couch.

“It's only ten in the morning”, Matt whispered to him. “You didn't tell me he'd gotten this bad!”

“I really didn't know that he had until now,” Edd whispered back. See the thing was though, they were very bad at keeping their voices down, and Tom heard every word. He squinted at them. Edd pretended not to notice. 

“It's been awhile since we've all had breakfast together,” Matt began. “I don't think we have at all actually since moving.”

“You know what, I think you're right.” Edd said as he loaded up the pan with the first bunch of bacon strips. “But that's changing today! From now on we're meeting here every day for a big breakfast, just like we used to! You guys like that idea?” 

“That sounds awesome!” answered Matt before realising the question was directed more at Tom than him (even though it was phrased generally. He hated how Edd confused him like that sometimes.)

“Tom?”

“Huh,” Tom said as he readjusted in his seat to look at the others. 

“What do you think of us having breakfast every morning together?” Edd asked, getting a bottle of syrup out of the fridge. 

“I… don't think it would work?” He replied, the hand in his pocket tracing the rim of his flask.

“What? Why not?” Matt looked at him, his eyes already welling up. “It sounds like such a fun idea!”

“Because we all wake up at different times, and I usually can't eat in the mornings anyway. I guess it's a nice thought, but it wouldn't work. And you guys would be too lazy to cook every morning anyway.” Tom responded dryly, his fingernails scraped at the metal in his pocket, though he was trying not to cave in.

Matt looked down, frowning, and flipped the hash browns. “Sorry. I suppose you're right.”

“Don't be so negative, Tom” Edd scolded as he loaded some bacon that had just finished cooking onto a plate. “He’s right though” he said turning to Matt. “Daily special breakfast just isn't realistically manageable. How’s once a week sound?”

Matt crossed his arms and pouted. “Oh fine,” he said with his brow furrowed. “I guess I can be glad we're having it at all.”

Tom just rolled his eyes and took his phone out of his pocket. It took a bit of searching, but he found Tord’s number. He hoped he hadn't been smart enough to change it after the robot incident. He sent a message.

_ hey. what happened last night _

The response didn't come until hours later. They had finished breakfast, and now the three were clumped together on Edd’s bed, just on their phones and enjoying one another’s presence. Tom stiffened a little when his phone buzzed. 

_ You got drunk and flirted with me till you passed out _

_ It was kind of funny actually, in a way _

_ Well not really. But I think you get what I mean. _

Tom stared at the screen as he felt his face heat up.  _ “Fuck”  _ he whispered under his breath, shoving his left hand into his pocket and fingers ghosting over his flask. Though tempting, his stupid fucking drinking problem was what got him into this in the first place. Not to mention, he hated drinking in front of Edd and Matt, hated how they looked at him with _ concern.  _ The idea that anyone would care about his wellbeing confused and mildly disgusted him. Made him feel pathetic.

Tom noticed his jaw was clenched and brow furrowed in frustration, quickly relaxing and hoping it hadn’t drawn attention to him. God, this was fucking embarrassing. 

“Tom, is everything okay?” asked Matt, because of course he did. Anything Tom specifically didn’t want to happen, always did. 

“Yeah I just uh-”  _ tell the truth _ , he thought to  himself, angrily. _ It’s not a big deal.  _ He was lying to himself though. It absolutely was a big deal. “Just got a text from Tord is all. He told me what happened last night that I ended up on your guys’s couch.” 

“Oh yeah, and what was that?:” asked Edd, looking up from a comic book he’d been reading and raising a brow. It was something out of the Insane Zombie Pirates from Hell franchise. Damn, they had books now? 

“Yeah, uh. Basically he came over to my place I guess to check on me, and figured since I was drunk it’d be a good idea for me not to be alone when he left. So he brought me here.” There, a half truth. It was close enough, and Edd didn’t need to know any more details anyway. This was personal. 

“How much did you have to drink anyway?” Edd questioned, in a similar tone to that of a parent who was not mad, just disappointed. Reminded Tom of his mother sometimes, which he always found kind of funny. But this wasn’t really an appropriate time for humor. “You promised you were going to try to work on your addiction, remember?”

Tom hated that fucking word so much. “It’s not an addiction.” He said, voice raising in volume higher than he’d meant. He cleared his throat. “I just have a tendency to drink when I’m stressed, and Tord sets me off.” 

“That’s an addiction, Tom. ” Edd frowned. “Look, this is serious, I’m worried about you!”   
“Edd, can you just fucking leave it alone?” He growled in response. “It’s just every fucking day with you, huh?” 

Matt stared down at his plate, quiet with his back hunched, like a child caught between two fighting parents. “I think I'm going to uh, go make sure Ringo has food.” He said awkwardly, shuffling off the bed and leaving the room. Ringo stood in the doorway, her four eyes glowing a bluish green. He loved that kitty so much.

“Now look what you went and did, you upset Matt!” Edd said, rubbing his temples in frustration. 

“What the fuck else is new.” Tom replied under his breath, arms crossed. “You know what? I'm not dealing with this!” He got up off the bed and started for the door. “If I have a problem-  _ which I don't- _ it's none of your damn business. I'm going home.”

Edd followed him close behind and grabbed him by the arm, trying to stop him. He had a shockingly powerful grip. “Wait, let's talk about this! Please Tom, I'm your friend. You know that right? And all I want is to be there for you. If you're going through something I want to help you through it.” He looked the other in his empty eyes pleadingly. 

Tom yanked his arm away and shoved his hand in his pocket. “Fuck off,” he said and stormed out without hesitation. Edd bit his lip as he pondered whether he'd said something wrong.


End file.
